Jesus tells a story as described by Matthew about a farmer who goes out to do some planting. This story caught my attention lately because I realized for 50 some years I have been fixated on one part of this story.
Maybe it’s because I grew up a farmer.
Well, a farmer’s daughter.
So, when I read this very familiar parable last week I saw more.
I had always been the farmer (of the story) in my mind.
I was the one schlepping the seeds and I was in charge of the planting.
This might not surprise those who know me. I like to be out doing something productive and have an outcome to show for it.
This is why in my late teens I got on a plane headed for Guatemala. I was gonna sow some seeds! From there, I and my sack full of seeds would climb aboard many other planes and trains and automobiles in the effort to plant good crops in other places around the globe.I was very busy determining where I would plant, who was worthy of planting in and who wasn’t. I was not indiscriminate like the farmer in Jesus’ story. I had “discernment.” After stints in other states and other countries and finally settling (maybe) permanently, I had one overriding feeling.
Exhaustion!
My weariness is what landed me and my husband in the Soul Care Institute Cohort 2. We were flat worn out. During my most recent time sitting with this tale of seeds and dirt, it hit me.
I have been so fixated on one part of this parable, on sowing seed, that I forgot that I am also soil that receives seed.My most holy and honorable task is to take care of my own soil so it is good soil. To see myself as a person worthy of being cultivated and planted.I have choices.
I can choose to let the soil of my soul become hard so nothing new can penetrate.
I can also choose to not really care about my condition and just let weeds grow in me without a thought.
I can even be utterly shallow if I want. (Sometimes that feels like the easiest option, but I know it is the deadliest.)
I am at my healthiest when I take the time to cultivate my soul’s soil.
This means when the seeds of God’s love are planted in me I am ready to receive and let all that goodness thrive in me.
This takes intentionality, this soil preparation. It takes time to stay cultivated and requires making space for God. It means carving out places in my day to be awake to God’s presence and in that loving place, have the dirt of me turned over and fertilizer added. I also need a good watering now and then when I am dry.
An abundant rain from God saturating my soul.I am working on prying my controlling fingers off that seed bag and cooperating with the Farmer by continually readying the soil of my soul for the new seeds God is planting.
Here’s my dirt, God.