I find myself gripping so often.
Holding tight to whatever it is that I am afraid of losing. Even in my sleep apparently.
In the midst of waking up I occasionally find my hands in fists, curled tightly around my blankets, holding on to sleep or a dream perhaps.
This posture does not seem generous.
It feels like it does not represent a heart of gratitude.
It feels stingy and grasping, literally.
So lately, I have been asking myself, what other posture could I be taking to counteract this tight-fisted way.
What is the posture of gratitude?
It makes me think of the story told about the woman who anointed Jesus while he was eating, reclining at the table at a religious leader’s house. The story says she was a woman of ill repute, but she heard that Jesus was at this house and she set about to show him gratitude in a way that still shocks those who read the account.
The story goes... “so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.”
I have read that in the days of Jesus, when a young woman reached the age of availability for marriage, her family would purchase an alabaster box or jar for her and fill it with precious ointment. The size of the container and the value of the ointment would parallel her family’s wealth. This would be part of her dowry. If it was a jar, it had a long neck designed to restrict the flow and prevent waste. When a young man would come to ask for her hand in marriage, she would respond by taking the jar and breaking it at his feet. This was meant to be a gesture of honor.
The woman at Jesus' feet likely broke the top off in order to pour out the perfume. Her dowry.
It was the only thing that gave her value. It was all she had.
Jesus noticed and was deeply moved.
He told the men who were with him at the table and who were horrified at this happening, “She’s showing such love and honor and gratitude. You did nothing for me when I came in. No washing, no anointing, no kiss of greeting, but she has done everything you neglected to do.”
This catches me.
Her gratitude and honor for Jesus is first showing up in the posture of courage, the desperate courage, that in spite of our circumstances we know that Jesus deserves our gratitude. Jesus loves us and is for us! She crashed the party to get to him. A gutsy move and one I think made Jesus very happy.
The next posture clue is her vulnerability. Everyone else fades into the background. She only sees Jesus and turns her heart utterly toward him as the object of her gratitude.
This is no casual thanks.
Vulnerably, she takes the jar and breaks it.
She takes all she is and has. She takes her unbound hair (a sign of her sin in her culture) and uses it to also show her thanksgiving.
She lays it all out saying with every bit of her body, “Jesus, if it weren’t for you…”
Saying, I must give thanks and I will use everything to show you just how full of gratitude I am.
Kinda makes my clenched fists look pathetic.
So I pray;
Open my hands. Open my heart, oh God.
May I have the courage and vulnerability to crash through polite and expected social norms to express my gratitude to you.
I (want to) offer myself in this way.
In a daily posture of gratitude.
